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The Report

Janet Miller sighed and slumped into a chair in the teacher’s lounge. “How could I have been so stupid? I researched that new program at Lincoln. Why didn’t I presented it?” Without waiting for her friend, Alice Stokes, to reply, she went on, “Sometimes I don’t think I am smart enough to be a high school English teacher. It’s not my day. Trying to get out of that meeting, I was so flustered I walked into the planter in Mr. DeWitt’s office. I snagged my stockings. Look!” Janet extended her leg for Alice to see the run starting at the knee and going almost to the ankle.

Consolingly Alice said, “We all have bad days. Besides, you’re not dumb. You graduated from college with honors.”

“I know. I just wanted… I wanted to bring a better English program to this high school.” Janet fell silent.

After what seemed an embarrassingly long pause to Alice, she tried changing the subject, “Are you going out this weekend with Bob?”

For a moment, Janet’s face brightened, but she slumped back into dejection before finally saying, “We are planning to visit his family.” Janet softly added, “You know Bob is on the curriculum review committee too. I wanted him to see me as a good teacher. And what did I do? I goofed. Alice, he may not be every woman’s dream, but I love his kind, gentle nature.”

“If you are going to his parents, do you think he’ll pop the question soon?” Alice asked, warming up to the idea.

For a moment, the teacher in Janet spoke, “Must you always use clichés?” Realizing what she said, she added, “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, but this morning’s committee meeting couldn’t have impressed him much. His science department is the best in the district. What’s he going to think of me when I failed to report on one of the best English projects in the district? I’ll tell you – not much!”

Sensing there was little she could do, Alice rose, touch Janet’s shoulder, and said, “Don’t worry, it’ll all work out. I must go. Herb is working a little late today, and I have to get Ann at the daycare center. See you Monday.”

Janet nodded to Alice’s wave and watched her leave. She sat a few minutes thinking about the day’s events before starting to the parking lot to drive home. As soon as she got to her apartment, she went to her files. Quickly leafing through her papers, she found the notes on the Lincoln project in her first outline. She had planned to use the program in her report. It was in the outline! Why has she forgotten it? Janet felt she needed to a treat to repair the day. Bob was coaching the track team and wouldn’t be back until much later. She decided to skip supper, grab a quick bite to eat at McDonald’s, and then go shopping. She looked at her ruin stockings. It was a shame to throw them away. Someday she thought, I’ll have to try the idea of cutting off of good leg and sewing it on to another pair with a bad leg. However, in the back of her mind, she knew she never would. Shrugging, she dropped them in the trash. She washed, finished changing, and headed for McDonald’s.

Janet was pleased to see one of her students, Linda McGaben, working at the counter.

“Hi, Ms. Miller. What would you like?”

“A hamburger, medium fries, and a large Coke, please. I’ll eat it here.”

After handing Janet the change, Linda leaned across the counter and asked, “You know the report you handed back today?”

“Yes, you did a good job, Linda. You deserve the A I gave you.”

“Well, I showed it to my mother when I got home. Do you know what she said? She told me, ‘don’t get too smart, honey. It might scare the boys away.”’

The remark stung. Janet can remember her mother saying almost the same thing.

“Don’t worry, Linda. Being smart won’t truly scare away the boys.” Janet tried to sound confident. Then her food arrived. She was relieved. She could escape.

As she ate, she thought about her mother and the farm she had grown up on. It was all so clear as she was growing up. Boys followed their father’s footsteps and became farmers. Girls were their wives, mothers of the children, and anything else wasn’t being a true woman. She could remember her mother saying, “Running the world is for men. The good Lord made women to have children and take care of your husband. Now, don’t you get to smart scare away the boys.” Janet had caused great concern in the family when she wanted to become a teacher. For a long time, her mother couldn’t accept her going to college. Even now, in the third year teaching, her mother’s letters asked if she had found a man. Part of her felt proud of her achievements. Another part of her felt guilty as if she had done something wrong and disgraced her family. Janet was surprised to find her meal was gone. Suddenly she didn’t feel much like shopping, but she forced herself to get a few needed things before going back to the apartment.

About 9 o’clock, Bob came, and she greeted him with a quick kiss. She made coffee, and they talked about the track meet.

In a pause in the conversation, Bob looked at her, head cocked, eyebrows raised in a question.

In spite of herself, Janet smiled. He looked all the world like a puppy, quizzically looking at her.

He spoke, “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t feel up to trying to explain, but the appealing nature of his look made her try. “The day… I guess.”

“Well, what about it?”

“It went all wrong. At the curriculum meeting this morning, I forgot to include one of the best English programs in the district. I got so flustered I walked into a planter. I couldn’t recover to teach well all day. Then to top it off, tonight one of my students, Linda McGaben, brought back memories I didn’t want to remember,” the words tumbled out, and Janet’s voice had a sad note.

“Slow down. You seem to have two problems here. Let’s take them one at a time,” Bob said, looking very businesslike.

“Don’t turn scientific on me,” she growled. In the next instant, Janet knew she was wrong to get angry, but couldn’t stand her problems being reduced the cold hard facts. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help. I shouldn’t get mad at you.”

Smiling Bob touched the back of her hand and asked, “Want to tell me about this morning?”

“You know! You were there. I forgot to include the Lincoln high program,” there was still frustration in her voice.

“You couldn’t cover everything. Besides, I was proud of you.”

“You were?” Janet couldn’t believe her ears.

“Look, I’ve been here a couple of years longer than you. You wouldn’t have believed my first curriculum report. It was a disaster. I put my feelings into it. I didn’t support them with facts. It was awful. As far as Lincoln’s methods, you can’t include everything you find in the report,” Bob explained.

“But I researched Lincoln. I had it my first outline. I don’t know why I left it out. Mr. DeWitt missed it right away,” said Janet shaking her head.

“Okay, okay,” Bob raised his arms in mock self-defense.

In spite of herself, Janet smiled.

“That’s better. If you feel that strong about Lincoln’s program, appended to the report. Today’s meeting was only for first drafts.”

“You’re right. I’ll add it to my report,” it all seems so simple the way Bob explained it. Janet felt better.

Janet told him about Linda’s comments. She told him about her own mother’s comments. And how the two mothers had used almost the same words. Why she felt she was in a bind, proud on one hand to have success and guilty on the other for breaking out of the family mold. Janet had never shared her feelings with anyone before tonight, but it felt right to do it with Bob.

When she finished, Bob sat back in his chair, put his hands together, and supported his chin on the tips of his fingers. Janet could tell from the look in his eyes; He was deep in thought.

Quietly Bob began, “Janet, I love you. I’m only a high school science teacher, not a psychologist. I don’t want to hurt you. Please listen to what I have to say.”

Janet nodded, yes.

Bob continued, “I think both of your problems come from the same place. I would guess your inner conflict of achieving and not fitting the mold are…”

Instantly Janet understood what he was going to say. She recalled other mistakes you make. There had always been a male present when she wanted to be liked by… She had been following her mother’s words. She had goofed so that she wouldn’t scare the boys away! All this time, she had thought she was free. But she hadn’t been! Her thoughts raced until, with a start, she looked up at Bob, who was sitting silently looking at her. “Sorry, I guess I was lost in my thoughts.”

“That’s okay.” Bob smiled.

Weakly Janet smiled back and said, “You are right. It’s all the same problem. Whenever I goofed like today, it is because I don’t want to scare a man away. In this case, you. Janet lowered her eyes, afraid of what he might say.

“You won’t scare me away from being yourself. We are both thinkers. That one of the things that attracted me to you..” Bob leaned forward and caught her eyes. Then he said softly, “I love you.”

Janet felt her body relax and a warm glow filler as she said, “I love you, too.”

Together they rose and threw their arms around each other to share the embrace of lovers who are also best friends. They held each other silently, enjoying the moment.

Then Bob looked down at her face. “Janet, you might want to talk to the McGaben girl. You could help her.

“Maybe… just maybe I could help her. I know I can!” Janet answered as their lips met in a kiss.