People keep sending me interesting questions. Here is one, “You’ve been married a long time. What is love?” What a question! It’s been several days, and I’m still thinking about it and haven’t answered the question yet. The reason is it is many things. I tried making a list, and it just kept growing every day. I began to realize I needed to look at broader answers. I also think there are stages to love.
The first stage seems to occur around high school. You find yourself attracted to someone, and you are pretty sure what to do about it. After a date or two, you’re absolutely sure this is the person for you for the rest of your life, and then… As you date others, you begin to become more “choosy.” For me, I realized I was not likely to marry soon. I found girls who were thinking like me and not looking specifically for a long-term relationship. We dated because we wanted someone to go to the movies with us or the high school dance. It was really the end of the first stage of love. We began that stage not understanding our sudden attraction to the opposite sex. We leave that stage understanding the attraction but knowing we haven’t found “the one.”
The next stage is the one many love songs are written about. That’s true because it’s a stage where we can really get hurt. It can be as simple as the one we desire is not available, or they don’t look at us the way we look at them.
The next stage occurs after we get married. The one we love is always with us. We go to sleep with them beside us and wake up with them as well. It is a critical time of adjusting to each other. For example, let’s start with breakfast, you may just want a coffee or glass of juice, and your new partner wants a full breakfast with toast, bacon, eggs, maybe even pancakes. Because you love your partner, it might be as simple as having your coffee and juice while your partner has their full breakfast. We learn that these minor adjustments deepen our love.
The last stage is what I call the comfortable stage. You are satisfied with each other day and night, good times and bad, and…so many different ways. It’s a time many comedians joke about. For example, you can finish each other’s sentences, or you begin to look alike. Depending on your beliefs, this stage never ends, even with the death of a partner.
I don’t know if I answered the question, “What is love,” I made at least one attempt. I am sure there are many other ways to answer the question. I think each of us must answer the question in our own way.
