I just listened to a two-person discussion of sexuality and disability. I was obviously attracted to the discussion because of my disability. To go from a normal human being to one of limited functional mobility is hard on the ego. It takes a while before you understand that you just can’t get up and walk over the coffee pot and pour a cup. I tried that at first, and it always ends up in the fall. I would practice laying down in various places and trying to get back up so I wasn’t like the TV ad “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” I work hard trying to stay as normally functioning as I can. I can use a walker for short distances or fall back on my wheelchair. I’ll never forget getting an electric scooter and being able to get out in the yard once again. It was almost like being able to walk again. Last summer, I mowed the lawn thanks to a John Deere garden tractor. I plan to do the same this year. There are some things for which I have found no solution. That’s why I was hoping the discussion this morning I watched would give me some clues.
The man in the discussion was a paraplegic. I am not. I guess you could say I am halfway there. My left leg does not function well, and the left foot has virtually no feeling. I have to wear a brace on that leg to prevent the ankle from turning and help with something called “drop foot.” My problems come from lower back surgery. After two failed operations, I called a halt to any further ones as I was coming out of each operation worse than when I went into them. I guess I was a bit hardheaded chasing something that never would be with the help of doctors from the Mayo Clinic. I don’t blame them.
Sexual function is something that doesn’t exist for me. There is a tiny bit of feeling temperatures-wise. I am told that is because there are different nerves for sensing temperature than for touch. They must be slower nerves because it takes some time to feel the warmth or coldness of something. It’s almost like you have to think about it, and then you can say, “Ah, that is cold or warm.” There is always desire and no way to satisfy it. I can obviously answer my partner’s urges. That provides a sense of… Well, perhaps it would be best to say a job well done. Maybe the next article or discussion I find about sexuality and disability will have the answer I’m seeking. As selfish as that may sound, a way to satisfy my needs.
