“Trying to understand some people’s actions is like trying to smell the color 9.” This quote came from an article about couples. I wasn’t sure what to make of it until I thought a bit. First, I decided it had to be tongue-in-cheek or at least satirical. The more I thought about it more I began to make sense to me. It reminded me of something that I did that confused my wife. I took the toast I had one morning and added jam to one slice. I then put extra crispy bacon over the jam and finished the jam and bacon sandwich with another piece of toast. My wife looked at me like I had gone crazy. She had never considered making a sandwich out of toast, jam, and bacon. To me, it was something I had done from early in my life. It was morning comfort food.
When we marry someone or just fall in love with someone, there is no way for them to know all of our past histories. They may do something we don’t understand or vice versa. It might even be something intimate, i.e., my first wife always wore her panties underneath her nightgown. Out of curiosity, I asked, “Why?” She replied that it was something she had done since she was a child. She wasn’t sure why, but she thought it was something her mother might have told her to do. She never thought about not doing it. Her action made no sense to me, and I couldn’t think of any reason why she would do it. It made perfect sense after I asked her.
My action of making a sandwich out of toast, jam, and crispy bacon made no sense to my wife until I explained that it came from my childhood. I knew I was copying an adult, probably my father, but I also like the sweet and salty and crunchy mixture of the jam, bacon, and toast. Didn’t we all copy something from our parents? I’m sure we all tried to be honest with our spouses.
These two examples probably would have little or no effect on a relationship. Other actions might have a direct impact on a relationship. I can’t offer you an example from real life. Still, I remember long ago reading a novel about an innocent action that led to a murder. Every time the wife would go someplace, the first thing she would do is change her underwear. Her husband began to suspected she was having an affair. He killed her for doing what her mother always said, “Change your underwear in case you get into a car accident.”
When something seems a bit strange to you, ask your spouse. By the way, the color 9 smells like Lilies of the Valleys in bloom to me! Maybe it’s just because it’s spring here now.
