Did you ever find yourself in a situation where suddenly something you’re doing is being questioned by a friend? As a writer, I want my dialogue to seem as realistic as possible. On the other hand, you learn that real dialogue will drive your reader crazy. If no other reasons for the little things we had like um, ah, and many different sounds, we add to our speech that we don’t realize. When I’m out in the world, I listen carefully to the people around me to improve my writing of dialogue. Because I’m listening carefully, I hear things that start to fall into patterns. Remember the question I started with? You are having a pleasant conversation with a friend. Suddenly you find you are being questioned about something you doing. You feel uncomfortable. You might even be angry about what seems to be an invasion of privacy. How did this happen?
Many times these conversations start out as questions. For example, “What you think about Jane dating Joe? I don’t think he can be trusted, do you?” When you hear a question like this, stop and think a moment. Is your friend just gossiping, or are they worried about Jane, or is something else going on? If you know, Joe has been unfaithful to other women he has dated, answer with a question. You might say, “Are you talking about his infidelity?” If your friend attempting to do something more than just gossiping, a question will help you determine what their true purpose was with the question. Another question or two to determine what your friend’s motive is.
In the discussion I overheard, the woman questioning her friend asked, “Aren’t you afraid Bill will do the same to you. You know he can’t keep it in his pants?” The woman being questioned tried to answer her friend but was very uncomfortable with where the conversation had gone. Think about it – No matter what your view of Bill is, you’ve ended up in an awkward conversation. Often our friends feel they have to warn us or help us and will use a question to open the conversation hoping for our agreement. Their intent is good, but the result is an uncomfortable conversation. If we can suss out our friend’s purpose, we may be able to thank them for their concerns. At the very least, we will understand they were trying to help instead of being blindsided and getting angry at their question.
