This is not from the old story pile I found this week. It is from a new novel I am working on. If you are at all squeamish, please don’t read this. If you choose to read it, please offer your comments on its impact. Your thoughts are important to me.
This must be the right place, Aaron thought. There were two cars beside his. One of them was Vicki’s. How could she do this to him? Aaron got out of the car and opened the trunk. He took the shotgun out of the case and loaded three shells. They were all he would need. He didn’t close the trunk. He didn’t want them to know he was here yet. He wanted to give them a last surprise. Aaron went as quietly as he could towards the house. He could see through the front window that there was a light on someplace in the back. It had to be a bedroom. Before carefully opening the front door, Aaron thought, please, God forgive me.
Aaron didn’t close the door, afraid it might reveal his presence. How could Vicki do this to him? He was Catholic – there was no divorce. There was only one choice. God, forgive me. Just off the living room, he could see the kitchen with a table set for two. In the dim light, he could see two wine glasses. One had a lipstick stain on it. Vicki’s? He could hear voices from the room with its lights on. One was Vicki’s. How could she do this to him? Aaron made his way as quietly as he possibly could to just outside the bedroom door. He stopped and listened.
Eli said, “You are so wonderful. I don’t understand how he could ignore you.”
Vicki said, “I don’t either. He’s so caught up in his job that I don’t exist.”
Aaron stepped through the door and said, “I haven’t forgotten you, Vicki. How could you do this?”
Eli jumped out of bed and started to say something before the shotgun spoke death.
Vicki screamed.
Aaron asked, “How could you do this to me?”
Vicki tried to answer. Nothing other sobbing came out.
“You are a beautiful woman. You won’t be when I’m done,” Aaron raised the shotgun.
Vicki screamed, “Please don’t.”
The shotgun spoke death again.
“Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen,” the shotgun spoke death the final time.
5 Responses
This is well done. I like that there is no need to graphically describe the shootings. There are other descriptions that bring us into the scene and fill the mood for us. It’s disturbing yes, but so is life sometimes.
This is part of a long-term project I am working on. It has the working title “Love and Other Disasters.”
Well done!
got lost on this “Aaron made his way asked quietly as he possibly ”
Brilliant, I loved how I didn’t know he was taking his own life until the last sentence. I sensed the “ghastly” in all the characters, again, loved it.
Another one of those mistakes I don’t understand. It should have been “Aaron made his way asked quietly as he possibly could.”