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Have you ever wondered why it’s impossible to have a political discussion with a friend who doesn’t share your political point of view? That wasn’t always true. I remember getting together over coffee and a donut and discussing an upcoming election or something going on in politics. The discussion would go back and forth and you’d hear phrases such as “I can see that but what about…” “I’ll grant you that but what about…? As you can see, we readily agree with some things are friend said and then go on to question them about what that might mean. What went on in the discussions is not important here. What is important is the discussions went on. All too often today any political comments will be met with phrases meant to shut down any possible discussion such as “don’t make me angry.”

This shift has occurred in my lifetime and I can even tell you the time period when it occurred. It started in the 1970s and it appears to me it was first fueled by the controversy over the Vietnam War. It became firmly entrenched in the middle of the 1990s. There was a feeling in the United States Congress that if you were friends or even talked to members of the opposing party you were being disloyal. Over this same time period, members of both parties who were willing to sit down and work with the other side were slowly driven out of office. They were not only called disloyal but they were called “weak and wishy-washy.” This kind of language and the feelings it represented began to infect all of us. I believe it’s the reason that today we can’t hold an interesting discussion over ideas about our country without being accused of making someone angry or worse.

This needs to change. We can’t remain the extremely divided country we are today. I understand there is a feeling that “my side must win at all costs,” but that comes at the expense of our country. The trouble is neither of the two parties sees this reality. They only see things in black-and-white terms – win or lose. It’s not what we personally win or lose but it is what our country can win or lose. I am a disabled veteran because of my military service. I could easily complain about losing my mobility, but I did what my country asked of me even though I disagreed. We must put our country first. We must return to thinking what is best for our country. We can only do that by talking to the other side and reaching some sort of consensus. It cannot remain “winner take all.” We must lose our anger over ideas we don’t agree with. Listen to a friend with an opposing point of view. You’ll discover there are things you agree with and of course, there will be things you won’t but don’t get angry. Explore the things you agree about and then offer to pay for their coffee and donut.